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The Struggle to be Known

Often in life, you get to a place where you realize that life has passed you by. Sure, you have a high paying job and a decent car. you wake up each morning, go to work, eat regularly, probably not sleep as much… you talk to friends and family on the weekends and life just limps along.
Then you wake up one fine day and ask yourself whether that is really enough. In that answer lies the story of your life.

What is it that one wants from life. Just to make ends meet or maybe something more? Something a little more substantial. Nothing finite that you can touch and feel but a satisfaction that transcends the physical dimensions. Throughout my life I have always just done the bare minimum….I studied just enough to pass my exams in high school…and to get into any school for my undergrad studies. I chose a major that would get me good money and in college didn’t really have any major accomplishments, just managed to finish each semester in time and in due diligence, became an engineer. tried my best to get into some school which would be the cheapest and after getting in tried to finish school as quickly as possible. Joined the very first job I was offered, and then kept switching till I found something halfway decent.

That has been my journey until now. Noteworthy? Probably not.

I along with a lot of my fellow citizens of this world suffer from this disease called life. We tend to live it for other people. I probably shouldn’t even blame others. Its been primarily my fault. The typical despondent attitude towards life that plagues the languid and the desolates did the same for me. ‘There was never the right time’, I told myself. ‘Later would make sense’. ‘First secure your priorities’, ‘make sure you are settled’. ‘try to take the easy route’. All words of callous wisdom that I gave myself and later sought to justify by blaming others and acting like a martyr.
Sounds harsh? well, It was supposed to be. Harsh and Honest. That’s the least I can do for myself.

So what now? Do I continue the path the rest of my life has followed or do I change midway. Each path has its own consequences. If I stay on my regular path I know how my life will turn out. I know exactly how its going to be in a couple of years and exactly how it will end. Will I be happy, probably. Will I end up with money, most definitely. Will I matter? Nope. Will I make a difference? Not in the least bit. If I take the other route, there is a lot of uncertainly. I don’t know if I would even be able to make ends meet. Don’t know If I would even succeed. For all that matters I may fall flat on my face and fail. There is almost a certainly that the other route will involve a lot of struggle with little or no rewards. So should I do it?

The logical person inside me says no and makes complete sense. Why would I upset the established order of things. Why would I toy with my life and risk ruining it completely? But there is a part of me that says that If I don’t do it now, then that would break who I could be as a person creatively. Throughout my life, I have craved freedom and I have craved creativity. I want to create something that would be a signature for me. Something that people would remember, something that would make a difference. And this could be that big chance that I should take to feel a sense of accomplishment.

I am tired of my mediocrity. Tired of sucking at everything. Tired of being a inconsequential. This is my chance to shine. Chance to struggle at something knowing that if I fail, I would do so on my own terms.

Because that struggle could make me. It may even break me. But for once, it would be a struggle at my own terms. It would be me writing my own story. My struggle to be known may potentially end in failure, but it would make life more meaningful. It would make life worthwhile.

This is my struggle…The struggle to be known….

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